My Back to the Wind
by WhatWasOnceSilver
Summary: Daltonverse. Logan can't remember, he can't see, and he can't hear. Not until Julian takes the time to talk to him, that is. AU Jogan


**A little story I wrote based off of this prompt:**

**Logan has a curse/disability where he can't hear someone's voice until it's familiar to him, and it slowly fades into his hearing, so he can only hear people who've taken the effort to talk to him a lot. And Julian does.**

**Prompted by capitolmoof on Tumblr.  
**

* * *

Derek hesitates, hand wavering inches from the door. "Remember, he can't see or hear you, so – so don't be offended when he doesn't respond, okay?"

Julian nods, and Derek opens the door to the courtyard.

Logan is standing in the middle of the grassy expanse, surrounded by trees. His long fingers are fiddling with a harmonica, trying to clean it.

"Logan?"

The blond's head jerks up at the sound of Derek's voice. His friend moves closer.

"I've brought someone to see you. His name is Julian."

Logan blinks, white eyes gazing sightlessly.

"Remember? The one I was telling you about earlier."

"I remember," Logan says.

Derek's mouth jerks up into a crooked smile. "I'll leave you two alone."

Julian turns to Logan as Derek exits. The blond stays silent for a moment, then moves to sit on a stone bench nearby.

"You can come sit beside me," he says clearly. Julian sits next to him carefully.

"Hi, Logan," he says, feeling a bit foolish. The blond obviously can't hear him. "I know you can't hear me, but...maybe you'll receive my words on a psychological level – I don't know."

Logan sits quietly, harmonica in his lap as he gazes out at nothing.

"Derek said I needed to talk in order for you to hear me, so – I will. I'll tell you everything."

…

"Everything?"

Julian nods. "That's what they taught me." His hands curl around the hot mug of tea.

Derek is sprawled back in his chair, looking at him skeptically. "They couldn't have taught you _everything_. You're still so young."

"I skipped a few levels," he says, averting his gaze. "And there's only so much the Academy can teach when it comes to medicine."

Derek shrugs. "You'd know better than me." There's a slight pause. The air of the kitchen is swirling. "So. You think you can fix him, doc?"

"I can only wait."

…

_I ask a lot of questions that will never be answered._

_(Sometimes, it kills me.)_

...

He waits through this time, because it's liquid. "We are the proud," Julian reads, "the battered, the torn. We are the lovely (the exiled) the homeless (the scared). We are the tired – " the bent " – the torrid." _We are the dead. We are alive._

"We are so full inside. We are not hallow. We are burdened."

Logan lifts his head. "Ju – Jules?"

Julian freezes. "What did you say?"

Logan frowns. "Jules. Right? Julian?"

"...yes."

"I can hear you."

...

"Tell me about your accident."

"I don't remember much."

"That's okay."

Logan lowers his head, milky eyes directed towards his knees. He sighs. "Well...I don't remember much. There were men in black – tall men in black, and...and fire."

_He doesn't _remember_, John!_

"Next thing I know, I'm lying in a white room with pain all across my face, like the fire had burned out the sight." He shrugs. "But the worst thing is that I can't see people like you. It makes me sad."

Julian looks at his hands.

"I don't know what you look like, of course," Logan says, placing a hand on Julian's arm. "But from what Derek has told me, you're beautiful."

Julian flushes and reaches down to remove Logan's hand before it can reach his scars. "I'm not," he says quietly, holding Logan's hand in both of his. "But I thank him for saying it."

Logan pauses. "What are those scars on your arm from?"

Julian blanches. "What do you mean?"

Logan is quiet.

"Logan?"

"I – this is going to sound strange," he admits.

"Tell me."

"When you're asleep...sometimes...I like brushing my hand against yours. Just to remind myself that you're there. It keeps the nightmares away." He's quiet. "Once I brushed against your arm instead, and there were scars." Pause. "I'm sorry. I hope that doesn't offend you."

Julian smiles weakly. "It doesn't. And those scars...they're in the past."

"Can I help?"

Julian grimaces. "I...I was raped."

Logan is quiet for a moment. Then he leans over and brushes his fingers against Julian's arm, trying to find his skin.

"I think you're perfect." He leans forward and his lips find Julian's shoulder. He gives it a kiss.

Julian shudders.

"I hope you don't feel like you're anything less than that." Another kiss to his collarbone.

"You don't have to say that, Logan." He closes his eyes, enjoying the way Logan is touching him more than he knows he should.

"Stop," says Logan. "I know you're beautiful." He gives his temple a gentle kiss.

Julian's eyes flutter open slowly. His hand goes up to the back of Logan's head, glad when the blond doesn't pull away. He starts stroking his hair slowly. "Thank you," he whispers. Logan kisses his neck and Julian's hand stutters. Logan pulls away.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, I – " Julian stops. What is he supposed to say?

"Can I kiss you?" Logan asks.

_Can I kiss you?_

"...yes."

...

"They can fix you."

"You can?"

"No. Some specialists. They can give you your sight back, and maybe even your ability to hear voices upon first sight. But...not your memory."

"Oh."

"So...I'll be leaving."

"Wait – leaving?"

"Well – yeah. I came to see if anyone could help you, didn't I?"

"I don't want you to go."

"I – I have to."

"But...I love you."

...

Julian really doesn't want to cry, but suddenly, while Logan is kissing him, he can feel the hot tears being pushed out of his eyes and streaking down his cheeks. Logan pulls back immediately, staring at Julian dead-on with his pair of white eyes. "What? What is it?"

Julian just bites his lip, chest struggling for breath under the buttons Logan has undone.

"Julian?"

Julian just shakes his head, protected by the knowledge that Logan won't be able to see it.

"You don't want to."

Julian opens his mouth, but nothing comes out.

"That's okay. I didn't think you would." Julian opens his mouth again, trying to say something (anything, really). Trying to say the words he's needed to say, wanting to tell Logan how much he _does_ want this, but he just...can't.

_When I come back, I'm going to marry you. That's a promise._

...

"You can't, Julian."

Julian says nothing, just stares down at the table, eyes downcast.

"You can't do this to him."

"I have to."

"He _loves_ you."

"It doesn't _matter_. I've been so selfish this entire time. I just – I told myself I was going to leave, I did. I only put his life in danger the longer I stay. Do you have any idea what his father would do to him if he found out Logan was in love with me? With _me_?"

Derek is silent.

"Do you, Derek?"

"You love him."

"It doesn't fucking matter. I went to the Academy because I thought I'd never see him again. And then – when they found – when they found him and they said he was going to be _okay – _" He pauses, struggles, and puts a hand over his eyes. "But that his memory..."

"He needs you."

"Bullshit."

…

_We're lucky._

…

"What do you mean, I gave him those scars?" Logan is staring at him, voice very quiet.

Derek stares back with caution in his eyes. "Do you remember losing control?"

"Yes."

"Fire."

"What?"

"You burned him."

Logan's eyes die a little. "Tell me."

"You really want to know everything?"

...

"_You really want to know everything?"_

_Julian smirks. "That's why I'm out here, isn't it?" Logan smiles, wrapping his arms around the brunet's waist as he nuzzles his neck. "I love you."_

_Julian lets the balcony railing support some of the weight of his astronomy book. God has sparkled the night with his master plan, his recipe._

"_Julian?"_

_Julian looks up. "Hm?"_

_"Are you all right?"_

_"...yeah."_

"_You didn't say it back."_

_Julian sighs. "Logan, your father – "_

"_Won't be back for days. Relax, beautiful. We'll be fine."_

"_That's not what I wanted to say." His features are troubled._

_Logan does not want to talk about this. "Then what is it?"_

"_You know."_

"_I do." His hands wander down Julian's chest._

"_Logan, we _can't_."_

"_For the last time, I don't care."_

"_I care. I care a whole lot."_

"_Julian – "_

"_I'm not going to sit around while your father puts you in the torture chamber for loving me, Logan! Have you forgotten who am I?"_

"_No." Logan twirls him around and presses him against the balcony, boring into him with eyes made for ice._

"_You're beautiful."_

…

"They pressed charges."

Logan looks up.

"When you lost control and hurt him like that. But...you didn't remember. You couldn't even hear the accusation. So they dropped them."

"I don't believe this."

Derek raises one eyebrow, knuckles pressed against his chin casually as he surveys his friend. "Don't believe what?"

"That I hurt Julian like that."

"It wasn't really you."

"I hurt him...because I was trying to _protect_ him. From that – _stupid_ asshole father of mine." He scoffs. "But I can't do that. I can't protect anyone, can I? And it's all because of this monster trapped inside of me."

Derek doesn't answer him.

"...why did he come back?"

Derek looks down at the table.

"Der?"

"He didn't."

Logan frowns. "What are you talking about?"

"Julian's leaving, Logan. He's leaving today, and he's not coming back."

…

_Somewhere outside of us, there's a battle burning, a flag falling, a ribbon dying._

_Somewhere._

...

Logan opens the door to the courtyard slowly. There's a boy standing in the middle, turned away so he can't see his face. He's holding Logan's harmonica in his hands.

"Hello."

The boy turns. He's got brown eyes.

"What's your name?"

The boy doesn't say anything.

"Are you Julian?" He's been asking everyone. No one sounds like him.

The boy shakes his head.

"Will you sing for me?"

The brown eyes are downcast. The fingers are slender; they've got scars wrapped around them.

Logan walks close and takes his hands. "You don't have to be with me. If you don't want to."

"Is it not enough for you?"

Logan blinks. "Is what not enough for me?"

"Your scars. My scars. Your memory. Your eyes. Isn't that proof enough?"

"I have my eyes."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah. I do."

Julian looks up at him.

"You stayed."

"...I did."


End file.
